Sun squeezed through the blinds. I peered back, squinting my eyes--was it really morning? My room turned into a collage of blue, khaki, red, and green. Golden striped Towels soaked the damp carpet. My desk supported the minds of sages, and I hardly remember visiting any of them, laughing with them, or saying goodbye. I arose, looked around and gathered my thoughts. Last night felt like a drunken stupor. Staring at the sheets I ask, “How did I get here?” This is the portrait of chaos, and we all experience it.
This week I wrote prayers thanking God for chaos because it reminds me of the limitation my own psyche and the dependence I inherit as a created being. Chaos--the maddening sensation when the world shatters before your eyes and you’re helpless. The big kid kicks your sandcastle over, a good friend betrays you, you’re evicted, you total your car, your heart gets broken, you have no idea what your plans are for life, you have no direction--you’re lost. Chaos doesn’t come from the objective state. Truth be told, we live chaotic lives ignorant of the fact. Playing behind the tapestry, while a veil guards our hearts to reality of a horrific reality on the other side. Sometimes we get a peek and it dilates our eyes, draws the blood from our faces, and paralyzes us to the bone--scares us to death. That’s the eternal moment.
I believe in God’s sovereignty because of chaos. Not because of the existence of chaos, but because of my inability to comprehend where it comes from and where it leads me. The uncomfortable truth that outside factors directly influence my circumstances and leave me hopeless is a humbling reality. When I fly, I always grab the window seat because I can look down over the land. I love to see the sun set over the horizon while the land below looks drawn out and meticulous--it’s a heightened perspective. This perspective, however, doesn’t exist on the ground. On the ground I’m fighting through trees, making trails through land, navigating what I can only see. If only I had a plane.
This isn’t sharply articulated, just a rambling on the human experience...
your thoughts?
-Trey-
In the traditional sense, Chaos is the absence of order; God is the presence of order. I had that wrestle with open theism that we talked about, but I've engaged on such a personal level with it, I believe my conclusion is a rather personal view - a view of an immanent God who is so involved with His creation that His relation with them is somewhat paradoxical. As Dr. Donald Baillie proposed in his article entitled, “God was in Christ”, I’ve come to the conclusion that the paradox of providence exists; for some reason, when involved in the Christian faith, a person believes that even in the complete “chaos” of the world, whatever we receive comes from God, by God’s appointment…God’s providence. I’m still studying this infinite being I so childishly name God, that I so selfishly limit by a name in order to refer to Him. As I grow in wisdom, stature and favor just as my glorious savior, I can only hope that I begin to understand the fraction of God which we have the ability to understand (that fraction being revelation). We are finite; He is not. I feel that this simple truth brings about more revelation than any of my studies so far. So, once again, I state this obvious and overarching truth: we are finite; He is not.
ReplyDeleteAnd amidst this chaos, can we still articulate God's immanent presence? I believe so. I believe one can articulate a God of all creation who is "being itself" as Paul Tillich once said. God is immanently interwoven into the vary fabric of our being, and understanding what you've called chaos is more of a venture into God's epistemology than I think we care to admit.
ReplyDeleteWhich of the two definitions responds more accordingly to you:
Chaos: the abscence of order
Chaos: Human lack of understanding as to the divinely appointed aspects of life
Just a thought on your observations, old friend.
So I just posted a long response and it failed...I'll try again soon
ReplyDelete